Oliver: After all the years of drama, 2023 was all about the the everyday challenges

In this final week of 2023, many of us are taking stock of the past year. I’m happy to still be here.

As years go, it wasn’t nearly as difficult as some in the recent past. As the vast majority of the world threw off the shackles of the COVID-19 pandemic, some of us were still trying to tiptoe our way back to normal. Happily, we got there.

Of course, some of what we all went through during the pandemic has helped Team Oliver. So many stores now offer the option of delivery; that’s key for us because trying to take Tony shopping is more stress than I’m willing to take on.

Tony’s Alzheimer’s disease did get noticeably worse. He’s in the middle stage of the disease. He doesn’t speak regularly, although he does utter a word or two when it suits him. I can’t remember the last time I heard him utter a complete sentence.

Sadly, he has also gotten more aggressive with me. I’m learning how to not respond and doing my best to figure out what his triggers are. That’s one of the things caregivers must learn; there’s usually a reason behind every negative behavior. Tony’s silence, of course, isn’t helping.

Probably the biggest accomplishment of our year was getting our main-floor bathroom remodeled. I’m trying to plan ahead for what Tony’s illness will bring. One day he won’t be able to go up and down stairs. That means he won’t be able to use his shower in the basement, which he has been using for years.

Instead of a tub and sliding-glass shower door in the main-floor bathroom, now there is a walk-in shower that should make it easier for me to help Tony when that day comes.

Somehow we endured the noise and disruption that the weeks of remodeling caused, but I’m feeling relieved at being better prepared for what comes next.

Eventually, I’ll need to get our kitchen remodeled. Longtime readers will note that I’ve been talking about that project for years. No, I still haven’t gotten that done yet. Maybe next year.

Despite Tony’s decline, we did what we could to keep him in contact with friends and family. Socialization is so important, and it’s been a challenge to balance that with the need to keep him safe and in his routine.

That said, we did manage to go to a couple of larger gatherings, where Tony and I could see our friends and try to have a little bit of fun. And Tony was able to eat a lot of the foods that I would never in a million years make for him. Of course, I got to eat those foods, too. I suppose we can’t eat healthy all the time.

Another of the things that came along with the pandemic was that we rarely ventured too far from home. This year, though, we traveled to Tony’s sister’s house for a very pleasant lunch not too long ago. No doubt we’ll be doing that again one of these days.

Our friends have been such a help and comfort to us both this year. I’m so grateful to Tony’s friends who were willing to step in and spend time with him when I had appointments where he couldn’t accompany me. I know he enjoyed those visits far more than I did going to my appointments.

My friends also made my caregiving load easier to bear in being flexible. More than one came over with take-out breakfast food from a nearby restaurant. We’d sit on my back patio or at our kitchen table for girl talk, all while Tony happily watched TV in another room.

Our friends even rallied around me when our wedding anniversary was less than the joyous occasion it usually is. Tony had been particularly uncooperative that morning. When our friends noticed my somber mood, some sent flowers and one couple came over for dinner. They really saved the day, and even now the thought of that gets me a little misty-eyed.

All in all, 2023 was short on drama and more about the challenge of getting through each and every day. But we did it. We’re still here. Thank goodness.

Here’s hoping your 2023 also treated you kindly. And that 2024 will be even better.

• Joan Oliver is the former Northwest Herald assistant news editor. She has been associated with the Northwest Herald since 1990. She can be reached at jolivercolumn@gmail.com.