We’ve all had that moment – the instant regret of saying something we wish we could take back. Maybe it was in a business meeting where you over-explained your point, only to realize no one was actually questioning you in the first place.
Or perhaps you tried to lighten the mood with a joke that didn’t land, filling the silence with unnecessary words that only made things worse.
Sometimes, it’s even well-intentioned – offering advice no one asked for, over-explaining your credentials, or nervously talking just to avoid an awkward pause.
But here’s the thing: The more we talk, the more we expose ourselves. And not always in a good way. People rarely regret what they didn’t say, but they often regret what they did. The more you talk, the more opportunities you give others to analyze, question or poke holes in your words.
It turns out this isn’t just a personal struggle – it’s a principle of power. Robert Greene, in “The 48 Laws of Power,” put it bluntly: “If you talk too much, you inevitably say something foolish.”
The person in the room who speaks the least often holds the most power – not necessarily because they know more, but because they say less.
Early in my career, proving my knowledge meant constantly adding to the conversation. I assumed the people who talked the most were the smartest. Then, I started paying attention to the quiet ones – the ones who leaned back in their chairs and took their time before speaking, and when they finally did – everyone stopped to listen.
They understood something I didn’t: When you say less, your words carry more weight.
That’s not to say silence is always the answer. Sometimes, speaking up is necessary, when asking questions is not just expected but required. And I’ve learned this the hard way too.
I’ve had moments where I held back too much, and instead of seeming thoughtful, I came across as disengaged. That’s the flip side – say too little, and people may question if you’re paying attention at all.
Balance is key. It’s about asking the right questions at the right time, not just filling space with words. The quietest person in the room may command respect – but only if their silence is intentional, not absent.
Communication isn’t just about words – much of it is nonverbal. A steady gaze, a thoughtful pause, or a well-placed question can exude confidence far more than rambling. Perception matters, and the more you talk, the more you risk sending the wrong message.
Greene also observed that “The more you say, the more likely you are to appear weak and insecure.”
Those who resist the urge to over-explain, who don’t rush to fill silence, tend to command more respect. It’s not necessarily because they know more, but because they leave people wondering if they do.
For most of my life, I’ve been the person who said a little too much. If there was silence, I filled it. If I had a thought, I shared it – immediately, whether it was fully formed or not. I thought being talkative made me engaging, but that wasn’t necessarily true.
It wasn’t until I got older, when I found myself in more professional settings, that I started to notice a pattern. The people who spoke the least – the ones who let others talk while they simply listened – were the ones who seemed to have the most influence. Meanwhile, I was the guy explaining something long after everyone had stopped listening or cracking a joke that sounded much funnier in my head.
And while I still haven’t mastered the art of saying less, I’ve at least become aware of it. There are still times when I walk away from a conversation thinking, Why did I say all that?
But I’m getting better. I’ve started to recognize that sometimes, the smartest thing you can say is nothing at all.
In the end, saying less isn’t about withholding information – it’s about knowing when to speak and why it matters. It’s about recognizing that restraint, not excess, creates impact.
So the next time you find yourself about to fill the silence, pause. Let it linger. Because sometimes, the most powerful voice in the room is the one that doesn’t rush to speak – but waits to be heard.
• Toby Moore is a Shaw Local News Network columnist, star of the Emmy-nominated film “A Separate Peace,” and CEO of CubeStream Inc. He can be reached at feedback@shawmedia.com.