Crystal Lake-based One Million Monarchs to expand coverage for grieving teens

Lexi Gilbert, 18, of Gilberts remembers sitting in class two years ago, the first day of her junior year at Hampshire High School, on the anniversary of her mother’s death when she suddenly had a panic attack.

“I recognized this is not going to work,” Gilbert said. “I needed to talk to somebody. I went back to class, told the teacher, grabbed my things and went to the counselor’s office. I told them, ‘I don’t know what to do. I just need someone to talk.’”

Gilbert, who grew up in Crystal Lake, had lost not only her mother, Edna Morrison, but her best friend within nine months of each other.

Gilbert found what she needed, however, in One Million Monarchs, a program that helps grieving teens and their families with the healing process through group sessions, coping techniques and therapy.

While everyone grieves and experiences the loss of loved ones, it can be a major struggle for teens for a number of reasons, including the stressors of school, activities and just growing up, One Million Monarchs co-director Stacey Sassine said.

“It’s tough be a teenager these days,” Sassine said. “Add on losing a parent or sibling or friend, and it can be super overwhelming.”

Sassine lost her mother when she was 16 years old, and she said she wishes she had more resources or a better support network when she was that age.

One Million Monarchs, which began in January 2020, has a chance to expand this year, after receiving a $60,800 grant from the Community Foundation for McHenry County earlier in the fall, Sassine said.

Sassine, who runs the program and co-hosts the sessions with grief coach Deborah Dunlea, hopes to add 30 new participants to the program, as well as more events such as retreats where teens can learn different kinds of healing methods, such as horse therapy.

“This grant is going to be instrumental in us being able to meet the demand of teens in our county,” Sassine said. “It was such a blessing. We’ve been able to survive on donations so far, but the need is definitely outpacing our ability to fundraise now.”

The group meets monthly at the Break Teen Center in Crystal Lake, and Sassine said she provides a “matchmaking service” to help link the teens or their families with licensed therapists, as well as pay for them if the family needs assistance.

At the sessions, the teens discuss their feelings and how to handle certain situations at school when emotions bubble to the surface, said Gabi DeGiulio, a sophomore from Palatine who lost her father, Vince, to brain cancer in 2019.

The sessions often are built around specific topics and include an arts and crafts component, Gabi said, adding that the group has an “open arms” policy when one of the members starts to cry or get upset.

“Everyone’s ‘hard’ is their own personal hard,” Gabi said. “But grieving as a teen is really hard, especially when trying to juggle school and building new friendships, going to sports or activities.”

Gabi’s mother, Jessica DeGiulio, said she had Gabi join the group when it became clear she wasn’t using the best coping strategies.

“She needed a little bit more help than I realized I could give her,” Jessica said. “I lost a husband but I didn’t lose a father, so I couldn’t relate to her in that specific way. I forced it on Gabi, but she loves it now.”

Jessica also said she now attends the One Million Monarchs’ parenting group that helps guide parents on how to handle and better help their teens at home.

“I had no clue about handling this,” Jessica said. “Nobody teaches you how to deal with grieving kids. Talking to Stacey [Sassine] has been super helpful.”

Gilbert said both of her losses – her mother died of an overdose, while her best friend perished in a house fire – came at a time when she was trying to recover from a bad car crash, in which she broke her pelvis.

“After the accident, after losing people that are close to me, I’m still trying to recover in every aspect,” Gilbert said. “It makes life a lot more challenging.”

When Gilbert joined One Million Monarchs, the program was just starting. While challenging at first, the program has helped her unpack her own feelings and understand them, she said.

“I didn’t realize at the time how alone I felt,” Gilbert said. “This is an amazing group. Everyone’s story is different, but you feel so connected in the sessions. You feel how loved everybody is. It’s a mind-opening experience.”

Gabi DeGiulio also described feeling better at understanding her emotions, but also said that she learned how important it is for her to have others talk about her dad and ask her questions about him.

“A lot of us [in the group] want to talk about our loved ones and not forget them,” she said. “It feels sometimes like they are being forgotten, but we want their life to go on even after they passed. Clearly, some people don’t like that. It can go either way. But it’s sad when people are on edge around you, don’t know what to say, so they don’t say anything at all.”

Gabi said she wants those who ask to know “how much heart” her father had and how much he was loved by family and friends.

Gilbert described a complicated relationship with her mom; she said she was raised by her paternal grandparents, who adopted her.

“My whole life she wanted to be my mom,” Gilbert said. “I know she tried. She wanted to be there for me but didn’t always know how to be. She had a lot of good things planned for her life [before the overdose]. I was excited.”

Gilbert’s time with One Million Monarchs has not only helped her understand loss and ride the wave of good days and bad, but helped softened the blow of the more recent passing of her grandfather, who Gilbert said was a father figure for most of her life.

“We knew he was sick, and we made the best of it,” Gilbert said. “I wasn’t dreading it or felt like I should have done something. My heart is at ease. He was happy when we were together and things are OK.”

Gabi DeGiulio said it always hurts knowing that her dad won’t watch her grow up, but she and her two siblings have quilted blankets made out of his old T-shirts to remember him by.

“I just try to keep living life, for them and myself,” Gilbert said. “That helps ease my mind.”

To learn more about One Million Monarchs, go to onemillionmonarchs.org.