Oliver: It’s OK not to be OK, and it’s OK to get help for mental health issues

May is National Mental Health Awareness Month, and the theme this year is “In Every Story, There’s Strength.”

Too often, those who are dealing with mental health issues feel like they’re alone and that no one understands what they are going through. However, that is far from the case.

If you live long enough, you’re bound to encounter people who have mental health issues, or you might even experience them yourself.

I learned in junior high school that I wasn’t immune to needing to get some help when life seemed to be overwhelming. Of course, back then I wasn’t the one making the decision. However, I’m thankful that someone thought enough about me to want me to get the help I needed.

In those days, I was the target of bullying, so much so that I contemplated ending my life. I felt that I wasn’t getting support at home, and I felt that I was the one being punished instead of my tormentors.

My self-esteem was shattered, and it took being forced into a support group to finally feel like someone was listening to me.

When my father died of cancer when I was 19, I faced another trauma that would haunt me for decades. Everything happened so fast; he was put in the hospital because he wasn’t feeling well, and he died nine days later. It was a lot to process.

Then, about a year later, one of my friends was murdered by an ex-boyfriend. Again, I felt my world crumbling around me. I had problems sleeping, I didn’t feel like eating and I knew that I needed to reach out for help. Sadly, though, I went to the wrong place, and I was told that I was just dealing with grief and that I’d be OK.

It would be more than a decade later that I found myself unable to cope again. That was after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. I was responsible for the front page of the newspaper in those days. I worked nonstop for weeks, and I saw so many images of things that we would never put into print.

All the trauma of my father’s and friend’s deaths came crashing down on me. I even had what could only be described as a post-traumatic stress incident when a plane crashed shortly after those terrorist attacks. I was shaking so badly that I didn’t think I could do my job that day.

Happily, by then, I had access to an employee assistance program and found that talk therapy really helped me process a lot of that unresolved grief. It also helped me develop some coping skills that would help in later years.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer the first time in 2019, I had already been a caregiver for my mother with dementia, and then my husband, who was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s disease in 2015. My own diagnosis seemed like cruel fate.

Anyone who has dealt with cancer knows that there’s a tremendous emotional burden that comes with the disease. Add to that the emotional baggage that comes with being a caregiver, and it’s no surprise that I needed to get some help. Happily, this time, assistance was provided through my cancer center.

After about a year, I thought I was ready to handle things on my own. After all, Tony’s dementia wasn’t too bad yet (or so it seems to me now), and I no longer was caring for my mother, who had died in 2018.

Then the COVID-19 pandemic happened. I don’t know too many people who weren’t affected emotionally by that. Fear, stress and the like were the order of the day for most of us.

For me, there was the added stressor of watching my dear Tony get worse. He went into the pandemic still able to do so many things that he no longer can do.

Then, in 2024, I was diagnosed with breast cancer a second time. Who can blame me for returning to counseling in the wake of that? Not only was I dealing with all the cancer anxiety again, but now the caregiving burden had gotten a lot heavier.

I’m grateful to have access to the help I need. I don’t think anyone should feel ashamed for admitting that they need help, whether it’s talking it out or medications.

Life happens to all of us.

It’s OK not to be OK. Just know that it’s OK to get help, too.

• Joan Oliver is the former Northwest Herald assistant news editor. She has been associated with the Northwest Herald since 1990. She can be reached at jolivercolumn@gmail.com.