Write Team: Be kind to your own soul

We all set standards for ourselves – expectations that shape our choices, define our success and push us toward the future we envision.

Sometimes, these standards come from a deep desire to make a difference – not just for ourselves, but for our families, our friends, our communities and the world around us.

Other times, they are born from a need to prove something: that we are capable, that we are strong, that we can rise above the doubts – especially those planted by past experiences or voices that once told us we couldn’t or wouldn’t.

High standards drive us forward. They can be a source of motivation, pushing us to reach new heights and accomplish things we never thought possible. But there’s a fine line between ambition and self-judgment, between striving for greatness and being unreasonably hard on ourselves.

The weight of our own expectations

How often do we extend grace to others when they fall short? We tell our loved ones that mistakes are part of life, that failure is just another step toward success. We celebrate resilience in those around us. Yet, when it comes to our own journey, we hold ourselves to an almost impossible level of perfection.

We replay our missteps in our minds, analyzing what we should have done better. We focus on what we lack rather than what we have achieved. We set goals that are so high that even when we succeed, it somehow doesn’t feel like enough. The weight of our own expectations can become a burden – one that keeps us from recognizing just how much we have already accomplished.

The power of self-compassion

But what if we changed the way we spoke to ourselves? What if we replaced self-criticism with the same kindness and forgiveness we offer to others?

Self-compassion doesn’t mean giving up on your goals or lowering your standards - it means understanding that growth is a process, and setbacks are not signs of failure, but stepping stones toward something greater. It means recognizing that, just like anyone else, you deserve patience, encouragement, and grace.

Think about the times in your life when someone has shown you kindness - when they reassured you after a mistake, encouraged you when you felt lost, or reminded you of your worth when you doubted yourself. You likely remember those moments vividly because they mattered. Now imagine if you could offer that same level of kindness to yourself every day.

A call to be kind - to yourself

As you move forward, keep your standards. Keep your dreams, your ambitions, and your goals. But also keep space in your heart for yourself – self-compassion. Allow yourself to grow at your own pace. Celebrate your progress, not just your final achievements.

Be the kindness that the world needs. Encourage others, uplift those around you – but above all, be the kindness to yourself.

You deserve it.

Sally M. Van Cura is the former executive director of La Salle County Court Appointed Special Advocates and has held many other leadership roles for nonprofit organizations throughout the Illinois Valley.